Season 3

E1. Louie's Rival

Nov 19, 1980 · 24m

Louie and Zena are running into trouble in their relationship, and Zena dumps him after confessing that she's been dating Dwight, a bartender at Mario's. A depressed Louie tells Alex about it over drinks at Mario's, and when they suspect that Dwight is working the bar, Alex goes up to talk to him. Dwight then tells him that he's breaking up with Zena for getting serious too quickly. Alex shares the news with Louie, who sees an opportunity to get Zena back on the rebound. Zena initially rejects him, but after Louie gives a heartfelt speech about what Zena means to him, she takes him back, despite her better intentions.

E2. Tony's Sister and Jim

Nov 26, 1980 · 24m

Tony's sister, Monica, has returned to New York after her divorce, and Tony has set her up on a date with Alex, with hopes that they will fall in love. However, while Monica waits for Alex in the garage, she gets to talking to Jim and they hit it off famously. They begin dating, but Tony is not supportive of the relationship and asks Jim not to see her anymore. However, Tony catches Jim at Monica's apartment when he stops by for a visit. Tony is angered that they are seeing each other despite his objections and is ready to toss Jim out (literally), when Monica tells him off about his immaturity and trying to control her life. Tony then sees the light, apologizes, and seems resigned to the new relationship.

E3. Fathers of the Bride

Dec 3, 1980 · 24m

Alex learns through a wedding notice in the newspaper that his daughter is getting married in New York. Alex is very upset that he hasn't been invited and calls his ex-wife, whose secretary explains that he was specifically not invited. Alex crashes the reception anyway, bringing Elaine with him. Cathy, his daughter, is thrilled to see him and asks why he didn't respond to her invitation. Alex gets angry again and tells off his ex-wife, insulting her weight in the process. Alex eventually feels guilty that he insulted his ex-wife and he pulls her aside and apologizes. They then start to reminisce and soon find that they are still somewhat attracted to each other. When they are about to kiss, Cathy finds them and lets them know how happy she is to see them together and asks them to hug. They do, and everyone is on good terms at the end.

E4. Elaine's Strange Triangle

Dec 10, 1980 · 24m

At Mario's, while Elaine is complaining about problems with her love life, a handsome man named Kirk approaches. Tony then plays matchmaker for Elaine and soon she and Kirk are dating happily. Kirk later tells Tony in private that he has a problem: he is interested romantically in someone else-- Tony! Tony, who is not gay but does not want to see Elaine hurt over this, tells Alex and although he doesn't really want to get involved, Alex agrees to meet Tony and Kirk at a gay bar to help smooth over the situation. Alex arrives at the bar before Tony and is nervous, but relaxes after Kirk tells him he knows Tony isn't interested and he's already gently broken things off with Elaine. Alex begins to feel more at ease, but soon he is asked to dance by a large man. Alex is then pulled on to the dance floor and is eventually chased on to the bar itself by a chorus of gay dancers and unable to escape, begins dancing on the bar, when Tony arrives..

E5. Going Home

Dec 17, 1980 · 24m

Jim is sought out by a detective, hired by his wealthy father to locate him and give him plane tickets to come visit him in Boston. Jim explains to the gang that he has been estranged from his family after dropping out of Harvard in the 1960's and changed his name from Caldwell to Ignatowski. Jim agrees to go to visit his father and brings Alex with him, who is curious about what Jim's family must be like. At his father's mansion, Jim's oddness upsets his father and they get into an argument during dinner. Jim is asked to leave, but Alex speaks to Jim's father privately to try to smooth things over. It turns out Jim's father still thinks of Jim as his favorite child, but it hurts him to see him wasting his life when he had so much potential. Jim comes in and convinces his father that he's got a happy life and doesn't need his father's money and they share a moment before Jim leaves.

E6. The Ten Percent Solution

Jan 7, 1981 · 24m

Bobby is fed up after losing an acting gig to an inferior actor with the right look, which he explains to be like Tony. Tony decides he wants to capitalize on this and give acting a try, and asks Bobby to be his manager. Reluctantly, Bobby agrees and soon, despite a terrible audition, Tony gets a major role in a movie. Bobby is soon regretting his decision to take Tony under his wing, though, since he's resentful that Tony (whose acting is not improving, despite Bobby's coaching) could get a part so easily. Bobby feels vinidicated, however, when Tony is eventually cut from the film because of his lack of skills.

E7. The Call of the Mild

Jan 21, 1981 · 24m

After witnessing Bobby playing a lumberjack in a beer commercial, the guys are inspired to go camping and rough it in the woods for a week. They opt for a hunting cabin 100 miles away from civilization in the middle of winter, and their guide is justifiably concerned they won't make it, but they reassure him that they're fine and to come back for them in a week. They soon regret their decision when they learn that there is no electricity in the cabin. To keep their food from spoiling, they put their groceries outside in the cold, but animals eat them during the night. Somehow they make it through a week, starving, unshaven, and barely coherent, but due to a snowstorm, their guide doesn't come back for them. They decide that they'll need to hunt for food to survive any longer, but the guys can't bring themselves to shoot anything. Finally when a wild turkey walks into their cabin, Alex rises to the occasion and shoots it. Jim says a prayer over the turkey dinner, which consoles Alex, up

E8. Latka's Cookies

Feb 5, 1981 · 24m

When Latka's grandmother dies, he is pleased that she has left him her famous cookie recipe, complete with a supply of the secret ingredients. He bakes up some for the cabbies to enjoy, but the cabbies don't enjoy them. Nonetheless, Latka begins his own cookie business. In the days to come, the cabbies find that they are indeed starting to inexplicably like the cookies, and are also unusually happy and energetic. When Jim samples one, he determines that the secret ingredient is cocaine—which accounts for why everyone's behavior. Upon learning this, Alex visits Latka (busy baking cookies to fill supermarket orders) to tell him the bad news. Latka is noticeably high from the cookies, and hallucinates that Famous Amos tells him to do whatever it takes to be successful. Although Latka can no longer sell the drugged cookies, he is excited at the taste of capitalism because it means he's now a true American.

E9. Thy Boss's Wife

Feb 12, 1981 · 24m

At the garage, the cabbies overhear a screaming match between the company's owner, Mr. McKenzie, and his wife. Meanwhile, Louie tells them that whenever McKenzie and his wife are fighting, she chooses a handsome young cab driver to have a fling with, then confesses to her husband, and the cabbie is then never heard from again. Louie continues that even if the cabbie turns her down, she still will make up a story about him to tell her husband. The cabbies don't buy it until Alex comes in, overhears Mrs. McKenzie about to come downstairs, and hides in his locker. Louie approaches Mrs. McKenzie, surveying the cab drivers in the garage, with vigor, hoping to pimp Tony or Bobby, but she decides on Louie (her explanation is that since her husband would be upset by her fooling around with a good looking man, being with Louie would kill him). Louie breaks into Alex's apartment while he's sleeping and begs him for advice and all Alex can come up with is that he confront her and try to talk to h

E10. The Costume Party

Feb 19, 1981 · 24m

Bobby finds a fancy briefcase in the back of his cab, and when the cabbies are going through it, with the intention of returning it to its rightful owner, they find an appointment book that shows appointments with various celebrities. They also find an invitation to a cocktail party on a yacht. Thinking that this is their chance to meet celebrities, they dress up and crash the cocktail party, and are soon star struck with costumed people they think are stars. They eventually realize that it's a party for realtors (who evidently have famous clients) and they leave, disappointed.

E11. Elaine's Old Friend

Feb 26, 1981 · 24m

In her cab, Elaine picks up a woman who turns out to be her old high-school rival, Mary. Elaine is embarrassed that she is a cab driver, especially since Mary heads a prestigious ad agency, so to save face, Elaine makes up a story about having a wonderful boyfriend who is a Columbia University professor. Over the next few days, Mary calls Elaine to try to arrange a dinner with their respective boyfriend's, but Elaine keeps making excuses, as she is ashamed that she made up a lie about having a boyfriend. When Elaine is about ready to confess her lie to Mary over the phone, Alex grabs the phone, pretending to be Elaine's boyfriend, and accepts her dinner invitation for that evening. At dinner, Alex is so charming, in an effort to make their relationship look very loving, that all of a sudden, Mary and her boyfriend become jealous that they don't have such an exciting relationship. Meanwhile, even Elaine is swept up in the moment, and is taken by Alex's romantic acting job. Having d

E12. Out of Commission

Mar 12, 1981 · 24m

After Tony is beaten badly in his most recent boxing match, the state takes his boxing license away.

E13. Zen and the Art of Cab Driving

Mar 19, 1981 · 24m

Jim picks up two men in his cab and overhear them talking about the secret to success: dynamic perfectionism. Jim takes it to heart and decides to use the technique to reach his goal, which he won't reveal to the cabbies. Soon, Jim becomes the perfect cab driver, setting company records on every shift. After a few weeks, Jim gives up, announcing that he's reached his goal and can no longer stand to work so hard. He invites the gang over to his apartment to reveal what he's been working so hard for. Upon arrival, they see that his goal was a room full of televisions, with satellites, cable, VCRs, and video games—his ticket to the global village. The gang is unimpressed at first, until each of them gets sucked into watching exciting things on the various televisions.

E14. Louie's Mother

Mar 26, 1981 · 24m

Louie is reveling in the news that he's moved his mother out of his apartment and into a nursing home and is throwing a party to celebrate, inviting only Alex. Alex grudgingly shows and learns that the party is a sad affair, the only other guests being three losers that soon leave to go to another party. Louie confesses to Alex that he's actually depressed-- his mom actually moved out after they had a fight and he misses her. Louie's depression gets worse over the days to come and Alex convinces him to go make up with his mother. Louie goes to see his elderly mother, who initially won't speak to him, but eventually agrees to come home with him and all is well again.

E15. Bobby's Roommate

Apr 9, 1981 · 24m

Elaine is forced out of her apartment when her building goes co-op and moves into Bobby's place while he's away with a touring stage production. Soon, Bobby returns because he is kicked off the tour for fooling around with the director's daughter, and suddenly, he and Elaine are living together. A few days later, Elaine tells Alex how much she's enjoying living with Bobby, when suddenly she gets a call from her boyfriend, who breaks up with her. Elaine leaves upset, and Alex briefs Bobby to look out because Elaine is vulnerable and may want physical companionship. That night, Elaine wakes up Bobby to talk and drink some wine with her, then Bobby panics that she is coming on to him, and calls Alex. When Alex arrives in his robe and slippers, having run 25 blocks through the snow to get there, Elaine gets upset that they have misinterpreted her actions. The guys are ashamed at their chauvinism and they all make up.

E16. Louie Bumps into an Old Lady

Apr 16, 1981 · 24m

Louie, driving a cab in order to give pointers to a new driver, accidentally runs into an old lady pedestrian. Louie starts catering to the old lady, in the hopes of avoiding being sued, but soon learns she is still going to sue him for a million dollars. Alex notices that the old lady looks familiar, and recognizes her as a con artist, who pulls scams like this on cab drivers all the time (faking injuries in order to sue them). Alex makes a deal with Louie to find some of her previous victims to testify against her, if Louie agrees to treat Alex with more respect. It turns out, however, that this time, the woman really has broken her leg this time, and is indeed confined to a wheelchair legitimately (she tells this to her lawyer without any of the gang around). At the trial, Alex shows up alone because he couldn't get anyone to testify in Louie's behalf, so Louie gets a bright idea. In an attempt to prove that the woman is faking an injury, in front of the court, Louie pushes he

E17. Bobby and the Critic

Apr 30, 1981 · 24m

Bobby, who is appearing in a one man play, is fired up about a ruthless theater critic who has been writing scathing reviews. Bobby writes an angry letter to the critic, but throws it away without sending it, having already felt better for venting his anger. Predictably, Louie fishes it out of the trash and mails it, and it gets printed in the newspaper. Bobby is soon getting cheers from actors all over the city, but gets worried when he learns that the critic himself is going to be at Bobby's play. After the play, the critic finds Bobby and hands him a wonderful review of his performance. Bobby is overcome until the critic says he's not going to print it, because rather than a scathing review which would seem like sour grapes or a good review that would boost his career, not submitting a review will leave Bobby in obscurity and the critic will have his vengeance.

E18. On the Job (1)

May 7, 1981

The cab company goes bust, and the gang is forced to get other jobs. They meet at Mario's a month later to discuss their new jobs. Tony is a collector for a bookie, but feels guilty about this line of work, especially when he needs to collect on a priest. Elaine is an executive assistant, but after she convinces her spineless boss to speak his opinions at a board meeting, they both get fired. Jim takes a job as a door to door salesman, but forgets that he is selling encyclopedias rather than rug shampooers and ruins a woman's carpet in the process. (Part one of a two part episode)

E19. On the Job (2)

May 14, 1981

In part two, the gang continues talking about their new job experiences. Louie gets a job as a stock broker, after convincing the boss that his persistence and lack of morals will make him successful. While this proves to be true, he is fired nonetheless, because his colleagues can't stand him. Bobby takes a job as a bunny for children's party, but when he discovers that a kid's mother is a famous director, he acts out a monologue from ""Whose Life is it, Anyway,"" to the disappointment of the children. Alex gets a job as a night watchman, which is dull until he aims the surveillance camera at himself and pretends to be on ""the Alex Reiger Show."" At the end, Louie learns that the cab company is back in business, and everyone returns to their old jobs.

E20. Latka the Playboy

May 21, 1981

After Latka is rejected by a snobbish, but beautiful woman at Mario's, he decides to change his image by taking some time off and studying Playboy magazines and English language tapes. When Latka reemerges from his sabbatical, he has lost his accent and now is a lounge lizard who goes by the name, Vic Ferrarri. He soon easily picks up on the woman who had rebuffed him earlier. Although amused, the cabbies become concerned about the changes Latka has gone through, since he has now lost all of his nice qualities and is constantly hitting on Elaine. Alex tells Latka/Vic off, and later Latka appears at Alex's apartment, saying that he's sorry and doesn't want to be Vic anymore. Alex works with Latka and manages to get the old Latka back, although there is a twinge in Latka's eye that suggests Vic isn't gone forever..